Under Oath Clemens Denies Injecting Steroids into Teenage Singers Ass

As Evidence Mounts Ex-Ace Hurler Turns the Other Cheek

10-27-2008

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Roger Clemens today appeared in front of a Congressional Panel and again denied unequivocally that he had any involvement with a 15-year-old country singer who has accused the star pitcher of injecting steroids into her butt.

When confronted with video of himself out on the town and at parties with the underage singer Clemens denied that it was him.

When shown the actual needles and steroid vials with his D.N.A. plastered all over them Clemens again denied any connection.

Clemens also denied ever attending a baseball game. "Being from England I grew up watching cricket. I have never played or been to a baseball game."

In a prepared statement a clearly outraged Clemens denied that he had ever played Major League baseball.

"I have never participated in any organized sports and have never been in a locker room," said Clemens. "Steroids as I understand them are for athletic performance enhancement so why on earth would I need them if I am not now and have never been an athlete!"

As the hearing adjourned all the Congressmen in attendance said they were totally satisfied with Clemens testimony and then asked him to pose for photos and autograph multiple baseballs and caps… for the "Grand kids".