Police Seize Twelve Million in Drugs from Helmsley Heir

Leona's Beloved Maltese Trades the High Life for the 'High' Life

07-19-2008

NEW YORK, NY - When evil billionaire real estate mogul Leona Helmsley died her Dog, Trouble, was left in a tragic state of confusion and despair. Now free on bail and charged with drug dealing, money laundering and extortion, the spoiled pooch has hit crack bottom.

What the outside world saw as a perfect life was in reality very much different. When Leona was alive, a now destitute Helmsley, was given everything a dog could want, tropical vacations, limos, gourmet table food, gold chew toys, diamond studded collars, and play dates with some of New York's elite (including "Trumpy" "The Donald's" dog) - but this former trust fund puppy freely admits, "that sorta shit gets old real quick. I was spiritually bankrupt... an empty ball of fur.

Then they told me the bitch left me 12 million bucks!"

It was all trouble for "Trouble" after that. Helmsley went wild, hit the streets and the club scene. She got mixed up with the wrong people. "I did and dealt all the best shit New York City had to offer. Coke, heroin, weed, crack, crank, extasy, splif, pills, eight balls, opium, hash, canine canibus…you name it, I licked, sniffed, chewed, smoked or shot it."

After her arrest on drug charges Helmsley seemed to have awoken to reality. "I'm serious man, this is the first real challenge I've ever had to face. Leona always kept me sheltered from the world - literally on a white pillow. When I got my paws on those millions I made all the wrong moves."

Hopefully through the Trouble Helmsley story many other naïve dogs that inherit millions from senile old ladies can be spared the indignity of making the same jackass mistakes that she made.

"All I wanna do now is beat this rap, get my life back together, and go straight. I'm through with drugs forever! Tomorrow I start rehab. I swear to god, after this, I will never smoke dope again... got a light?"