Infamous Fund Manager Says it's Less Risky than the Stock Market
1-20-2009
NEW YORK, NEW YORK - Scumbag money manager Bernie Madoff bet his last stolen dollar yesterday on the New York Mega Billions Lottery… and won!
It turns out that Madoff has been pursuing this unlikely investment strategy for the last twenty years. Bernie confessed, "I was always prudent with my clients money and had a highly diversified portfolio. I played Powerball, Pick Six, Mega Bucks, Hot Lotto, Wild Card, Cash Windfall, Treasure Hunt, Lotto Texas, and Super Cash. After buying over 50 billion in lottery tickets it was inevitable… sooner or later I had to hit.
This eighteen billion in lottery winnings will really give my fund a big boost. I may even consider paying back some money to my destitute investors… NOT!!!"
Charlotte Leventhal an eighty-nine year old widow who lost everything to Madoff was jubilant, "I knew my Bernie would come through, he's really a good guy deep down."
To reassure those hurt by his lottery investments Bernie said "As for those who lost everything in my monumental ponzi scheme, they can expect to receive their money…when I hit the Lottery!"
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