McCain Vows, 'My Energy Plan Will Save Gazillions Of Barrels Of Oil'

Republican Nominee's Energy Plan Unveiled at Detroit Inner-City Street Gang Festival

08-24-2008

DETROIT, MICHIGAN - In an effort to build a bridge and repair relations amongst angry disenfranchised black and Hispanic voters, Republican Presidential Nominee Senator John McCain spoke before a small group at a local Crips' clubhouse. McCain told the group he needed their support and then laid out his 4-point energy program aimed at bringing about energy independence by the year 2098.

McCain stressed that the implementation of his energy program is not limited to gang members but is open to all truly patriotic supporters of the Republican Conservative agenda, "For too long, the black and hispanic street-gang demographic has been ignored by Republican party leaders".

McCain then read a short prepared statement before doing a power point on his new plan. "My friends, I hear the Crips have some great events that require participation by woman. After my power point I'm offering up my wife Cindy to join in all gang-related activities. Push her as hard as you want my friends, this old broad can keep up with any girl I know."

McCain Energy Plan 2008: "Oh Yes We Will"

1. Invest in New Technologies— Encourage local inner-city organizations such as the Crips and Bloods to develop the latest strategies for proper tire inflation on the cars of Registered Democrats (ice-picks & butter-fly knives supplied)
2. Energy Subsidies— Provide tax credits for all gang-members that can show proof (cell phone digital photos) of disabled Democratic vehicles
3. Drilling— Drill out steering columns of Democratic cars - and while your at it grab their XM satellite radios so they can't listen to that liberal crap on Air- America
4. Renewable Energy Resources — Pay-out direct cash stimulus package to those who siphon gas from Democratic Voters cars (extra cash stimulus package if siphoning happens on election day)

After unveiling his energy plan McCain's body double was safely escorted out of the Crips' clubhouse by armed guards (the real Cindy McCain remained behind still intimately involved with gang members). McCain's double went on to address a suburban Nazi group to reconnect with his base and ask for help in carrying out his energy plan in rural areas throughout the nation.